Recipe for a Good Relationship? Five Insights on Compromises and Choices Worth Internalizing and Applying.
Let’s start with the hardest one: accept the most annoying trait of your partner.
What to do to find a relationship and what characterizes happy couples who stay together for many years.
Not every relationship crisis must end in separation and divorce and it is worth remembering that people who live alone are generally less happy, less healthy and live fewer years.
Here are five insights on compromises and relationships worth internalizing and applying both to find a relationship and to stay together over the years.
In a relationship, we never do exactly what we want
Compromise is an integral part of every decision, especially the decision to be in a relationship.
In today’s world of abundance and fantasy, the word “compromise” sounds like something abnormal, leaving us feeling deprived or treated unfairly.
No one likes the word because it is linked to feelings such as punishment, surrender or even loss and it seems there is no reason to accept less than the maximum we deserve.
But the reality is that each partner needs to compromise.
Simply choosing a relationship is a compromise because it is clear that between two people, conflicting desires and needs arise and it is impossible to always do exactly what both want. Therefore, choosing a relationship is accepting that we cannot live according to our exact desires and sometimes we must do what our partner wants even if we do not think like them.
A relationship closes (and also opens) possibilities
A good relationship is an optimal state because it allows us to share life with another person, usually the one closest to us.
Even in a life without a partner, there is compromise.
We do exactly what we want, but living alone, without someone to share our problems and joys, involves a large compromise.
Studies show that people who live alone are less happy, less healthy and live fewer years.
Every choice has a price and when we decide we want a relationship, we also accept its price.
A person who decides to work or study accepts the commitment, such as waking up at a certain hour and not watching TV all day.
Similarly, a relationship closes certain possibilities but also opens others.
Disagreements are an integral part of relationships
Many couples today tend to want to separate due to problems that can actually be lived with. Obviously, issues like violence, gambling, or lack of love or intimacy are not situations to accept.
But common problems, such as disagreements about child rearing, spending money or preferred leisure activities, can be bridged or accepted and it is not worth breaking up over them.
It is also important to know that disagreements with a certain partner are likely to arise in some form with another partner if one is found.
Between people, disagreements always occur, so it is essential to accept them as part of relationships. If we do not accept that disagreements will always arise, we may find ourselves in another relationship with different problems. Therefore, it is always worth investing in solving issues.
Accept the most annoying trait of your partner
Experience shows that happy couples succeed in accepting their partner’s most annoying trait.
We all have annoying traits and often the trait that attracted us to our partner becomes their most annoying one.
Therefore, it is worth trying to accept annoying traits with the understanding that every person has annoying traits – including ourselves.
Even if you lack time or motivation, allocate time for joint growth
The antidote to compromise is increasing the “yes.” We are all very busy, but it is very important to find time and invest in personal and relationship development.
This refers to activities done together, such as shared hobbies, trips, couples counseling, sexuality workshops, classes, or conversations.
One of the reasons for burnout in a relationship is constant focus on existential problems and daily troubles without dedicating time and attention to personal and joint growth.
Joint development strengthens the bond and is therefore crucial.
Happy couples who stay together for many years are those who found ways to grow together, change, and renew themselves.